Character Aesthetic #1

Because why not? I have fun, and it helps me organize my thoughts. So just..buckle in for my nonsense. So first up, my dear Captain, Fenrir Themis.


Super rough sketch I did of the man. Excuse the wonkiness. Like the eyes. I could not be bothered.

It Happened

I finally have the gumption and the time to devote to my novel this weekend. Look out world, here I come. No, this isn’t much of a blog post. But darn it, I am trying… haha.

Something about the dystopian nature of the current US Presidential election has inspired me.

Also, I want to do another aesthetic post soon. Those were fun.

Gravitational Pool

I felt the need to write this so acutely that I just jumped out of the shower, and there might be a puddle of water collecting at my feet. But, here we are. Deadpool. This character compels me. And, for my family and friends who have had to sit through a flood of my fangirl-ing, they’re owed an explanation. I might get emotional writing this, but here it goes. I saw a list about him the other day and realized how much I adored this character.

Some characters move us beyond what any actual person might do. For me, Wade Wilson is one of those characters. I think he is that for a lot of people, especially millennials. Now, why am everyone so crazed? I can only guess what draws in other people, but let me expound on what pulls me in.

1.Chronic Pain

Sure, his regenerative powers are out of this world, but our Merc with a Mouth is in perpetual pain. Why does this mean so much to me? Because so am I.

The day I got diagnosed with chronic migraine was rough. I cried. I had had migraines since I was 6. I was 21/22 when diagnosed, and had lived with migraines most of my life at that point. I would have at least 3 a week and some lasted for months. Good days were when I just lived with a minor headache instead of the perpetual drill that ate at my brain and made me want to throw up. So why did I cry when I had been living in pain for so long? Because I had believed for so long that this was just a weird fluke…I was in a fairy land, of course, but everything seems so much more hopeful before you give it a name…a name that includes the word “chronic.”

Migraines have always made me feel weak. I can’t do certain things because of them. I’m not always in a good mood because of them. But here we have my favorite anti-hero. In perpetual pain. And being the biggest smart-mouth you could hope for. That alone is enough to make me love him. Maybe it’s made me a bigger smart mouth, I don’t know. But it’s nice to have a character I can relate to on that painful level.

2. He’s insecure.

Who can’t relate? I think insecurity about something is a big part of the human experience, but to see a popular character, albeit anti-hero, be insecure? That’s just lovely. It makes you breathe easier. And you know? It’s comforting to know that he still does his thing. When you’re a kid, you have Superman. When you’re a 20-something navigating the world, Deadpool pushing through things like insecurities seem pretty heroic.

3. Let’s face it, he’s got issues.

And thank goodness he does. Because I have them too. I’ve got depression and anxiety, deadpool batmanwhich I admit to people often because most of us do. A lot of my close friends deal with anxiety. Some are depressed. Some are bipolar. And you know what? They’re fantastic. They have struggles, but they work through it–and I want to tell every single one of you, if you read this, I admire you so much. I have yet to meet a human that I adored that didn’t have to overcome something. Deadpool is the same way. He’s addicted to guns and blows all of his money on ammo and pain meds. And yet…there he is, surprising us all with a lot of selfless acts. Like the time he filled in for Peter Parker as Spiderman. Now, our Merc is a killer, let’s be honest. Quite violent. But when he did that for Peter? He killed no one because he didn’t want to hurt Peter’s rep. That’s really sweet if you know both of them. And his consideration of Hawkeye? Priceless.

4. As a friend of mine put it, he wants to love everyone so much, but he’s too scared and has too many trust issues to follow through.

I feel him. I’m not that severe, but like I said, I have trust issues (I’m working on it). I care about a lot of people…in fact, I probably care about them too much too soon. And they probably never know it. Watching him deal with it, you relate. And I don’t think I’m alone in that. I think a lot of us are in the same boat.

5. He’s clearly dealing with life via humor…and aren’t we all?

At least, I am. I laugh to keep from crying. It’s how I cope. It’s how many of us cope. It’s how comedians are coping, let’s be real. And yodeadpool.pngu know, I think there’s something brave in that. Laughter keeps you moving forward. It gives you courage to keep on. And Wade makes me laugh.

I think, at the end of the day, Wade Wilson is a very deeply, complex and flawed character, trying to cope with so much (such as the loss of his daughter), and it hits me. I think it hits his cult following. He’s the underdog we all identify with. D
eadpool is messed up, but at the end of the day, he cares about his friends. He cares about people. He has a heart of gold, and that, that is what we are all looking for. Someone who’s in no position to judge us and just cares. A character with our problems who still manages to pull through. Honestly, he was created in 1991. He’s a millennial as far as I’m concerned. He’s us. He is our messy generation that has struggled and fought and screwed up.


But also he has an amazing sense of humor and great taste in tacos and pancakes…And he has a point. Chimichanga is fun to say.

It’s probably the humor thing, isn’t it guys? I just waxed poetically about Deadpool…for over 1000 words. Okay. There’s a questionable life choice for ya. See you Friday.

And moms, DON’T TAKE YOUR KIDS TO HIS MOVIE. Last thing we need is someone getting mad and then some mom protestor group stalls the sequel.

Case #5, Marty

Cinematic Persons Anonymous

“JESSICA JONES IS A MENACE! No, I do not want more pills… Do you know what it is to be her downstairs neighbor? The racket alone is liable to make you insane. I went up there one time to see what it was. The child had no glass in her door, there were holes in the walls and everything. It’d be okay if she was nice once in a while, but I’ve never met someone ruder in my life. You know, back in my day, we had respect for our elders. Not this one, though.Jessica Jones 2

“She just breezed on past me, called me ‘Gramps’ and—why are you rolling your eyes at me? Don’t you roll your eyes at me young lady. I don’t care if you are my doctor. Do you know what it’s like? Not sleeping? It’s horrible. I barely can get up and go to the park for my…

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Case#2, Adelaide Hux

The First Order can be stressful…

Cinematic Persons Anonymous

5EIH980I just… I’m just really stressed. Can I get a drink of water? Ah yes, thank you.

I know everyone thinks I just got this job because of my cousin, General Hux, but I have more talent than that daft, soulless ginger—everyone at home knows it. Only time I get any appreciation is around the holidays. Still, General…so much more exciting than “Head of the Financial Department”, isn’t it? No. I got this job on my merits. Mine. No one cares about numbers, about order, the way I do. It is called the First Order after all.

Well, before I go too far down a rabbit hole—you know, I might take that cup of tea you mentioned earlier? Yes, thanks. No sugar. Waste of coin, you know. As I was saying, Kylo Ren destroyed yet another incredibly expensive piece of technology…due to some sort of fit. I believe it…

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I just wanna write fluff…

I should be doing important things, like plot development and important metaphors and blah blah blah…sometimes I just want to write the floofy, fluffy, funny stuff, you know? Like I see why fan-fiction writers do it. They already have some good character development supplied for them, the setting has been done, people know the cast of characters, the adventure scenarios…

Meanwhile, me in SciFi world is wondering, “Hmm, do the doors have doorknobs? Or only certain planets? Or certain buildings on certain planets? What kind of food do we have? Where is it grown? If this ever gets done and famous, will Neil DeGrasse Tyson criticize the physics of everything like he did with BB-8? And how are my literary devices looking? Can I pull this into something decent-looking by a 4th draft? What would my college English professors think?’s cliche. It’s all cliche and they’ll know…One day, if I’m ever successful, some pimply-faced, teenaged boy will STILL find the flaws in my story and list them in great detail in a random comments’ section on Facebook…”

I just want to write something easy for a minute. Take a breather. SciFi and Fantasy, I think, provide more challenges than most genres, with the exception of maybe Mystery (because if you don’t have the mind to pull off the crime of the century, chances are your mystery isn’t so hot). The reasons being, you must craft your setting in crazy detail. Determine it’s physical laws, the rules of the societies. Usually you have to have some amount of lore involved. It’s exhausting. What’s worse is I know where my fluffy parts should come up, but I’ve got a ways to get there…and I can only write so much of it before I have the rest of the story done.

But then I read something like Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? or watch Star Wars…and there’s something about the payoff of doing Fantasy and SciFi well that just might be worth it. Even if I’m the only one who ever gets to enjoy it.

Ground Control to Major Tom

We lost sweet, sweet David Bowie. The wonderful Ziggy Stardust. Jareth the Goblinking. He was always a lovely inspiration for me.

I keep typing away. Carving out what story I can. Sometimes I just…I reread what I wrote and I want to tear it up and edit it ’til the cows come home. But I can’t. I think I’ll get stuck if I do that. Plunging forward, that’s the way! I can rewrite later. It looks a bit hideous though, if I look backwards.

On a funny note, a friend and I have started a new blog, Cinematic Persons Anonymous, where we examine the mental well-being, trials, and even minor complaints of the supporting characters who may not get the credit, or even screen time, in the action movies we love. Thus far, we’ve had interviews from a royal robe designer from Ming City and the Head of the Financial Department of the First Order.  Do check it out.

If anyone has tips to make yourself keep writing, I’d love to hear them. Hopefully I can do a new post about fashion that inspires me.

Until later,

Xoxo Vicky Stardust


PS, my laptop kept changing Jareth to Garth. I’m quite cross with it now.

Target Not Acquired

…and that is totally okay. I didn’t make my 30k goal. But what I did find is my love for story, and my willingness to keep trying something, keep plotting, keep moving with this project. I really believe in it and myself. That I can get it done. And that with a lot of work, I can make something I am proud of.

Ironically, I learned about this while reading about a difficult video game and how dying in it isn’t a punishment, just a learning experience. So, I’m fine with failing to reach my goal. I learned. Pieces in my story moved. The road will probably be long and messy, but I’m ready for it.

There’s…a lot of work to do. Here’s to a more productive year in 2016! And my new goal is 100k by December. Here’s to trying!

P.S. I’m obsessed with Star Wars theories and Emo Kylo Ren currently. Or Fallout. The geek is strong in me.

Off Course

Last weekend was a bust. And the one after that. And the one after that. I won’t lie. I was doing so good with my 5k words a weekend…and then I collapsed. So much happened in the  world and in my own little work world that I couldn’t think. And then I went to Hawaii–where I am now.

Hopefully now I can think and pull myself back together. It’s so amazing to me how if you slack in one area, it quickly becomes a snowball-effect of procrastination. I’m in a dead-zone of creativity. Thinking isn’t on my radar. But it must be. Because I really don’t want to let myself down on my goals. So, time to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get serious.

And if anyone has advice to offer to beat the slump, I’ll take it.

Meanwhile, I’m reading Isaac Asimov’s Foundation series, and I must say, I’m enjoying the genius.